


Love Again

by MissingNickname



Category: Pentatonix
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Gen, Love Again AU, M/M, Pain, all the pain, also, but mostly PAIN i guess, that's a warning i guess, there's a reason why i didn't use archive warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8553121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissingNickname/pseuds/MissingNickname
Summary: When he wakes up, he doesn't have a name. He doesn't have memories. All there is in his mind is a designation and the constant threat to be swallowed by a darkness that isn't him.Then, there's a man with a calm voice and a gentle touch.Can he learn to love again?





	

The rain was pouring down all around him. Already he was drenched to the skin; and as he stumbled through the narrow alleyway he could hardly make out his own feet, that were splashing through the puddles in a frantic, uncoordinated haste. There were no streetlights up ahead and here, far away from the main roads, all the windows were dark. It had to be way into the night.  
_Nobody is here to help you._  
The realization drummed through his head in the irregular rhythm of his feet hitting the uneven pavement. He needed to get _away,_ and do so fast. In his head, there were neither words nor room to think of what he was fleeing from. Just the adrenaline in his veins, the painful and erratic breaths he was drawing in and the inner voice that told him _Run!._ The sound of distant cars and sirens haunted his mind as he fell and was absorbed by the darkness.  
___________________________  
  
Everything around him was cold. He wasn’t able to pinpoint the exact moment he realized it, but once he’d acknowledged it, ignoring it became impossible. It was all his universe consisted of. Nothing but the cold.  
So he lay there, unmoving, and felt it slowly creeping into his very bones. After a long time, or perhaps a very short moment that only felt like a long time, his tired, sluggish mind managed to form a thought.  
_Get up._  
He tried to open his eyes and sit, but the sudden wave of pain that hit his body forced him back to the damp ground again.  
“Hey, easy there!” The unknown voice came from behind him and slightly to the right. His breathing sped up and his eyes jumped around the gloomy surroundings with a rapidity that made him dizzy. Something was not right.  
“Easy, don’t move!” The voice was quiet and steady. “Okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”  
_[Safe. Unknown parameter. Don’t understand.]_  
There were these words in his head and they were at war with what he was feeling, with the calm the voice was projecting and his overwhelming desire for - what? He did not know. There was nothing to know. His mind was completely empty. Suddenly, he was filled with dread.  
“What… who?” His voice was scratchy and sounded strange to his own ears. Forming words hurt. But he needed to know. “Please…” It was but a whisper, but the calm voice returned.  
“It’s okay. Everything is okay. You were lying outside last night, but I found you. You’re safe.”  
_[Safe. Unknow-]_ With an effort he made his mind go quiet and tried to find a simpler way to express what he wanted to say. To make himself understood. To make the calm voice continue talking because it soothed the powerful onslaught of conflicting emotions on his mind.  
He felt so lost. So utterly, completely lost. The dark, chilly air around him threatened to swallow everything he was in the blink of an eye - and there was so little to hold on to. His mind was empty. He didn’t dare to blink.  
“Who… am… I?”  
It was a battle to draw these few words from his subconscious and wrap his tongue around them, but once he’d said them, he couldn’t stop.  
“Please… _please!_ Where… - who…”  
Then, there were painful coughs wracking his body and he tasted blood on his tongue and - _there was a hand on his arm._ He jerked away, but the movement was weak and feeble, and the hand stayed.  
“Shhh, you need to calm down. Just breathe, okay? Slowly. One, two three…”  
As the voice continued to count, he felt himself relax. One by one, the counting silenced his swirling thoughts and emotions. The warmth and steadiness of the hand touched a part deep within him, and unwillingly, he leaned into the touch.  
“There you go”, the voice murmured. “It’s alright, everything is okay…”  
Then, the hand left him and there was a clicking sound behind his back, and suddenly, a flickering orange light cast dancing shadows on the walls. With an incredible effort, he turned around. The pain in his chest and head was instant and again, the fast movement of his eyes made him dizzy, but now he was lying on his right side and facing a small fireplace. Bent over the wooden logs in the fire was a dark man with broad shoulders. At his sudden movement, he looked up and put the matches away.  
“Hey, easy, you’re not supposed to move. Something got you pretty badly out there…” The calm voice belonged to him. He returned to his side with slow, graceful motions and then, the hand on his shoulder was back as the man crouched down in front of him.  
He should have felt threatened, but he didn’t. Instead, the physical contact kept him calm and still under the other’s scrutinizing gaze.  
“Who are you, indeed?”, the man said eventually. He could only respond with a helpless gaze. He still didn’t blink.  
“Do you have a name for me? Anything?”  
_[A name. Specify.]_ He kept staring up. “Anything people call you? Do you remember anything at all?”  
_[Personal designation. A-17-…]_ Inside his head, he screamed. He bit down hard on his tongue in order to stop the foreign words his thoughts were dictating him from getting out. A splitting headache made him curl in on himself and press both hands against his temples.  
When he could hear the calm voice again, he realized that he was sobbing. The image his unblinking eyes were sending to his brain was blurry. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath.  
But the warm, grounding touch was still there on his shoulder and a strong hand was gently prying his fingers away from his face.  
“Shh, it’s alright, it will be fine. I promise, everything will be fine. Stay with me, listen to my voice. That’s good, you’re doing good. You can do this…” The words were meaningless, but they helped anchor him to reality.  
He took a deep, shuddering breath. Things were falling into perspective again. “Hey there. You with me again? Good.”  
His head was now resting on the dark man’s knees. He allowed himself to relax his tense muscles. “Yeah, that’s right, you’re safe. Here, let me help you get that blood off your face.”  
_[Safe. Parameter specified.]_  
The voice in his head was far away, as his face was gently cleaned with warm water and a soft rug. Detachedly, he stared at the ceiling and focused on the soft texture of the fabric.  
“So you don’t know who you are…”, the dark man muttered under his breath while working with swift hands. “That’s alright, we will surely find a way to help you rememb-” Suddenly, he stopped.  
_What’s wrong?_ His gaze jumped to the dark man’s face. His expression had changed drastically. His eyes were wide and there was something in them that hadn’t been there before. When he spoke again, his words were very quiet and precise.  
“Do you know what you are? Are you sure you are human?”  
What an odd question. What else would he be? But the dark man’s expression and his still quiet but no longer calm voice made him uneasy. He tensed.  
“Yeah…” The words would barely come to him. “Of … c’rse…I … - I’m hu…man.” They felt strange on his tongue.  
The man touched his face again, this time without the rug. Deliberately, he placed his fingers on the middle of his forehead and next to his left eye. The contact burned as if the fingertips had ripped right through his skin and involuntarily, one of his eyes shot up and the other to the left, in order to track both touches, leaving him with a split field of vision. Something was _not right._  
His heartbeat skyrocketed. There wasn’t enough air. There was just that sharp, painful voice in his head that tried to erase his thoughts.  
“No!”, he cried out. “No, please… no…” He wanted to close his eyes and let himself fall into nothingness. He was so exhausted and so terrified. But the dark man kept asking and he _had to_ hold on. This was wrong.  
“You say you don’t know a name. Your face says you’re an android. Androids don’t have names, so why do you insist…”  
_“NO!”_ He was begging now, crying. _Don’t let me fall into the darkness, please, please,_ “PLEASE!” His words were becoming as incoherent as his disjointed and blurred vision as he desperately pleaded with the dark man. “I’m human, please, don’t…don’t…” The words were escaping him.  
_[Androids don’t have names. They have designations. Designation A-17-R-…]_ He screamed.  
“This’ … not me - I’m no… ‘m human, please don’t…” His words were lost in sobs.  
_It’s killing me. This is death._  
The thought ghosted through his mind as he felt himself slowly slipping away, losing to the overpowering voice inside his head that screamed a string of numbers and letters called ‘designation’.  
Then, something changed. Suddenly, the hands were back on his shoulders, he was being _held,_ somebody was _holding onto him_ and keeping him from falling into darkness. He melted into the touch, shaking all over. The calm voice was back, and now it was tinted with something else… disbelief. Shock.  
“So if you’re human…” It was so quiet, he had to strain to hear it. “Somebody _experimented_ on you.”  
As his eyes cleared again, he could see his own terror mirrored in the dark man’s expression. His words implied something; there was a memory, and he tried to run from it. This was nothing he wanted to remember.  
“Hu.. man?” It sounded like a question. And all of a sudden it was one.  
“How…” He knew he was. But he didn’t know _how to be._ His mind was empty. He was lost. Everything was cold.  
But the dark man kept holding onto him and smiled sadly. “Don’t worry about that for now. Rest.”  
There was a blanket around his shoulders. Warm. Safe.  
“We will sort everything out in time.”  
__________________________  
  
_[Repair completed. Physical state 100% restored.]_  
He jerked awake. His heart was beating like crazy and he frantically looked around. He was still in the same, gloomy room. The air was still damp but the fire had warmed it up. By now, it had died down to ashes and a few glowing embers. But it was no longer dark.  
As he turned his back to the fire and the sleeping figure of the dark man, he saw that the room was bigger than he’d first anticipated. There were stairs hewn out of rough stone that separated the higher platform he’d rested on form the rest of the room. There was a large pool of murky, gray water which the steps led into. The ceiling above was dome-like and through an iron grid at the highest point, dirty daylight filtered in.  
_Some kind of reservoir, then._ He shook his head in surprise, but quickly stopped again. Fast movements were still making him dizzy; as if his brain was receiving too many pictures from his eyes. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense any more. Bits and pieces of the conversation with the dark man in the previous… _evening? Night?_ came back to him.  
_Android… human…_ He shuddered; the terror he had felt then was still lurking at the corners of his mind. Tentatively, he lifted one hand and touched his face.  
Forehead and left temple. His fingertips were grazing metal and foreign patterns. The touch was painful to his sensitive skin. Hastily, he drew away again and hugged his arms to his chest. It was a poor substitute for the grounding touch of the dark man, but he didn’t dare to disturb his rest.  
His hands met an unfamiliar texture. He frowned. With another dizzying jump, his eyes went to his chest. He was wearing a strange leather jacket. It felt.. off, somehow. His fingers feebly reached for the zip, with every intention to get rid of that foreign and unsettling piece of clothing.  
At first, he did not believe his eyes. Only when he felt the cool air hitting… the _inside_ of his chest, the reality of what had become of his body registered with him. He stumbled back in shock, but there was no getting away from _this._  
_[Designation A-17-R…]_ The voice inside him chanted. It felt smug. He repeatedly shook his head and staggered towards the edge of the platform as his brain got overloaded with visual information.  
_Don’t blink._  
That was another voice. Don’t blink. Don’t lose yourself. It will happen in the blink of an eye.  
Shuddering, he sank to his knees and fumbled to get the zip of the jacket closed again.  
Both arms pressed against his chest protectively, he remained there, on his knees by the edge of the platform, slowly rocking back and forth as he tried to silence the voices in his head.  
 __________________________  
  
When the first ray of sunlight fell onto the water and gave it a curious, green tint, the dark man woke. At first, he didn’t notice, but then the noise of soft steps filtered though the chaos in his head. Slowly, he turned around. His eyes and face were empty; he was at a loss for words. He simply couldn’t comprehend… he had been human. And now, he didn’t know _how_ any more. He still felt an icy chill where the morning air had hit the place where a human heart was supposed to be hidden. He couldn’t get the image out of his mind.  
The dark man crouched down gracefully. “Good morning.” His voice was quiet and his movements tentative as he reached out with his hand once more. “I didn’t get the chance to introduce myself last night. I’m Kevin.”  
_Kevin._ The dark man with the calm voice. Who grounded him. Who was _safe._ With trembling fingers, he reached for the extended hand. Kevin gripped his hand firmly and pulled him away from the edge. Suddenly, he was all too aware of the abyss of cold, green water behind him. He scrambled to get up and put some distance between himself and the stairs. When he stopped and turned to the other man again, he felt the sunlight warm on his heels.  
“Kevin…” he repeated slowly. His voice was still rough and his throat felt sore. But this time, he knew what he wanted to ask.  
“Kevin… who… am I?”  
“You want a name?”, Kevin asked softly.  
_A name. Yes. Please. A name meant humanity… a name was – [Designation A-17-R-3-L!]_ the cold voice in his head cut in sharply. He startled and took a step back. Subconsciously, his hands ran over the places where he felt metallic edges cut into his skin.  
Forehead. Left temple. Left Ear. Chest. Back of the head. Wrists.  
But Kevin’s sharp intake of breath wasn’t directed at the fine parts of metal that distinctly marked him as non-human.  
“Holy shit.” The words were muttered quietly, not meant for his too sensitive ears. “The sunlight makes you look like a fallen angel.”  
_[Non-human. Android.]_ “Designation A-17-R-3-L”, he retorted almost inaudibly. His hands were shaking again.  
“You want a name? Fine. I’m calling you Avriel.”  
____________________________________  
  
Avriel never asked why Kevin was living down in an abandoned cistern connected to the city sewers. He never asked where Kevin went in the mornings and where the firewood and the food came from. In fact, he rarely spoke at all, often unable to cope with the reality of his existence. He was still discovering things about himself that were _off,_ non-human, not supposed to be the way they were. On the days of these realizations, he would often curl up in the corner, arms hugged tightly to his chest, and just battle the voices inside his head until Kevin returned from who knew where, pulled him into a strong embrace and waited for his body to cease from shaking.  
There were so many little things; and they constantly strengthened the sharp, cold voices in his head that tried to take over and _erase_ him for good.  
He never blinked. His eyes didn’t filter out the fast movements from one point to another which were blocked from registering in normal humans’ brains in order to prevent the dizziness that still befell him whenever he moved his head without care. His left ear was more sensitive than his right one, which constantly threw him off when he tried to gauge the spatial origin of a sound. On particularly damp days the movement of his hands and fingers was delayed by the fraction of a second - enough to make him drop a mug he had reached for - and bending his wrists made metal edges bury into his raw skin, which was why he avoided it as much as possible.  
Sometimes, he would find himself in a loop of automatically repeating his last movements, and he couldn’t _stop_.  
And after really bad nights, when more nightmares than usual riddled his open-eyed, trance-like sleep, tense muscles would make his chest hurt so badly he couldn’t even get up.  
On these days, Kevin rarely left their little camp. He would stay next to Avriel’s make-shift bedding, soothingly rub his shoulders and inject him with a clear liquid he called ‘novocaine’, which made the pain go away and made his thoughts hazy.  
He didn’t know why, but the part of his mind that was still himself had decided to _trust_ Kevin. Unconditionally. And Kevin did nothing other than prove time and time again that he deserved his trust. Without him, Avriel knew for sure, he’d have gone crazy within hours.  
Kevin’s grounding presence, his attempted scientific explanations of things Avriel was experiencing, his unwavering support despite all the trouble Avriel must surely cost him - they served to grant Kevin Avriel’s highest esteem; and the way he treated the ‘dark man’ when he was in control of his actions and feelings spoke of nothing but pure reverence.  
But he hardly ever talked.  
He could sit for hours on end and quietly listen to Kevin’s rants about a ‘government’ and its way to treat people _(humans),_ or the poor state of ‘the market’ or the high crime rate - as long as that meant  there would be a steady hand resting on his shoulder and connecting him to his real self.  
There were subjects Kevin would mention in passing and then abruptly stop talking about; and Avriel suspected the reason. But he was eternally grateful to be spared from hearing about abductions, scientific advancements and the occasional resurfacing victims of experiments. Often, the mentions of those alone were enough to trigger desperately repressed memories and send him into panic attacks he wouldn’t recover from for days.  
When he came to, he never actually _remembered,_ but he felt the threat lurking at the edge of his mind and the voices would attack him with even greater vigor.  
He knew he should, but he didn’t _feel_ human.  
___________________________________  
  
It had been a good night. Avriel woke before dawn and got up without any pain.  
He preferred moving in the darkness because it didn’t throw off his eyes as much. For a moment, he just stood and listened to Kevin’s calm breathing; then he started to prepare some breakfast. His movements were practiced and efficient, as always. There was that part of his mind that unconsciously provided him with the most efficient way to do things. He couldn’t help it.  
But after he’d started the fire as his final action, he managed to silence his mind completely.  
Gingerly, he knelt down next to Kevin and righted the ruffled blanket. With a feather-light, tentative touch, his fingers came to rest on the dark skin of the sleeping man’s cheek. There was a feeling in his chest he couldn’t name.  
_[Definition failed]_ His breath hitched and he quickly pulled back.  
This was new. This was unknown.  
_Let Kevin sleep._ _No need to bother him._ Silently, he retreated to his corner. When Kevin woke, an uncertain voice whispered “Good morning.”  
________________________________  
  
_What makes humans human?_  
When Avriel had gathered the courage to ask Kevin that question, he hadn’t had an answer. For the first time since Avriel had come to him, he was at a loss for words. Avriel had tried to explain.  
“I have listed criteria for being human. You said humans have names. I do. But humans have no metal parts to their bodies. I do. Humans close their eyes, I don’t. Humans can’t… don’t- - - _humans are not closed by a zip across their chest!”_  
As he finished, his hands were pressed against the by now familiar leather jacket again and he was breathing heavily. He had never exactly told Kevin about the jacket but his refusal to let him touch the metallic line the zip drew diagonally across his chest had told the other man enough. Kevin wasn’t stupid.  
Right then, Kevin was stunned to silence. In his eyes, there was that particular look again, that Avriel had come to define as a mixture of shock and sadness.  
_[Not an accurate definition. Error.]_  
  
That night, they had sat down, Avriel’s head was resting on Kevin’s left shoulder for support, and Kevin had chosen his words with great care. “I considered your question. And honestly, I think that your list of criteria doesn’t matter all that much. I will tell you what makes humans human. It’s the capability to love. To care about others. To feel and treat other humans as feeling beings. That’s what really matters.”  
Avriel’s eyes jumped up to Kevin’s face. There was an honest, deeply desperate plea in them. His voice was rough and unsure.  
“Will you teach me how to love?” The sadness in Kevin’s eyes was overwhelming, but his voice was as calm and steady as ever.  
“Aye, that I will. I will teach you how to love.”  
_____________________________________  
  
Kevin spent a lot of his time silently observing Avriel. He rejoiced in seeing how his initially empty and exhausted eyes had gained some life, how his broken skin had healed smoothly around the metal embedded in it and how it had turned into a pale, serene white, which shone against the deep black of his unchanging beard and eyebrows once his bruises vanished. He quickly got used to Avriel’s motionless, unwavering gaze, which he knew came from the man’s attempt to limit dizzying eye movements to a minimum. Soon, seeing these green eyes, always unblinking and with just the faintest hint of red around the pupil was as familiar to him as coming home.  
He knew by heart Avriel’s serious expression that meant he was trying to wrap his mind around something he deemed important or wanted to express something that didn’t come to him easily. He knew his frown when he disagreed with the voices in his head.  
The haunted and terrified look he wore when waking up from nightmares or the outright broken, fearful gaze which meant he was fighting, and sometimes losing, against his inner programming broke Kevin’s heart a bit more each time. And the recognition on Avriel’s face when he became aware of Kevin’s sadness was the tragic completion if his repertoire of facial expressions. He wasn’t able to communicate his emotions very well.  
There was a change in that, though, after that significant conversation about the qualities of a human. True to his word, Kevin tried to teach Avriel how to love; and the semi-android seemed beyond determined to devote this love to Kevin, based on the already existing reverence. And who else could he have given it to, Kevin sometimes wondered sadly. Avriel did not have any contact with humans apart from him. Even the prospect of leaving the cistern sent him into a state of panic that was terrible to witness. But the fact remained that sometimes, Avriel began to wear a genuinely confident expression, and give Kevin that _look_. As if he knew that while Kevin taught Avriel about love, he himself had long learned to love the other man, android or not. And sometimes, there was this softness in his motionless gaze, as if he tried to say _Yes, I know. I know it very well._  
And no matter whether he was the human Avriel or the semi-android, caught in the repetitive loops and orders of his inner programming; as soon as Kevin was near, his unwavering, wide eyes would remain fixed on him.  
He learned to pinpoint the exact moment Avriel blacked out into sleep at night, to admire his calculated and efficient movements, and, most of all, to cherish every single confident smirk, all the times he was well enough to speak with his real voice, which was low, strong and absolutely determined, and, as his personality began to win tiny battles against the voices in his head, even the occasional bout of straight-faced humor and sarcasm.  
He always cast a look to his right side when he was being sarcastic, even though that had to mean a strain on his eyes and head. Perhaps that was his real personality and quirks showing again. Perhaps they could win this battle.  
Kevin hoped so more than he had ever hoped for anything in his life.  
____________________________  
  
The more Avriel learned about love from Kevin, the more certain he was about loving the dark man with the calm voice who had saved him. When he looked at Kevin, he saw strength, passion, brightness, care and enough love for all the humans in the world. There was nothing like Kevin’s touch in order to ground him, nothing like his soothing voice in order to drive away the ghosts of nightmares and the voices that haunted him. And even when Kevin wasn’t saving him from himself, being around him did something to Avriel.  
That feeling in his chest, which part of him had failed to define; it grew stronger with every moment his gaze remained trained on the other man. The strength and elegance of his movements, his insightful and passionate reports on the things going on outside their little universe, which consisted of the damp reservoir and was just about enough for Avriel, his courage to go out there and brave the terrifying unknown world every day, all that made him feel… something. Something that belonged entirely to him; the sharp, cold voices had no say in it, and that gave Avriel confidence.  
Maybe that was what being human meant. Maybe _he_ could be human again. Maybe.  
______________________________  
  
Touch had always been something special to Avriel, but once they had confessed their love to each other, there was a whole new world opening to him, and he - he _loved_ every second of it. He trusted Kevin enough to let him lean his forehead against the intricate patterns of metal conduits on his left temple, and the feeling of hands softly pressed against the back of his neck made him forget everything he feared in the world. Intertwining his fingers with Kevin’s in every possible moment meant home, meant _safety_ and a promise of humanity that made him forget his doubts.  
When he cried now, the tears were tears of bliss. There were no words for his gratefulness to this man, _his_ dark man who had saved him and continued to do so every single day. When he could melt into Kevin’s embrace, he needed no novocaine to make the pain go away; and he would battle his ghosts and voices every single second, waking and asleep, if that meant _he_ could spend that second with Kevin.  
_“I love you”_ was the first thing he said when he woke up each morning, and he said it again when Kevin was awake to hear it. It was his first thought, always.  
_“I love you. You are my world.”_  
___________________________________  
  
Then, Kevin vanished. It had been a normal day, one in the chain of many; but now it painfully stood out in Avriel’s mind because Kevin had left in the morning and hadn’t come back.  
It was dark outside and the moon was climbing up; slowly making its way across the rectangular iron grid in the ceiling and Kevin still wasn’t home.  
He tried to calm himself. He whispered the words Kevin would have used to calm him down. Everything would be okay. There were a million reasons, surely, why he hadn’t been able to come home.  
Trouble with the government, the markets, the crime rate. These were the things Avriel knew were lurking out there, even though he had no imagination of what their nature might be.  
_Maybe he’s had trouble with abductions, scientific advancements and resurfacing victims,_ a voice in his head supplied. He flinched violently; he hadn’t heard that particular voice for a long time. Why was it back now? Why now?? He clenched his fists.  
He needed to stay calm and wait for Kevin.  
He’d come. He would come. He _had to come._  
When the morning sun fell onto the water, he was kneeling at the edge of the stairs, staring up with an unseeing gaze as silent tears rolled over his face. When it set again in the evening and threw their hideout into darkness, his hands shook too much to ignite a fire. He huddled up in the corner, wrapped into Kevin’s blanket, and found no rest.  
In the gray hours of dawn, he woke with a scream. Kevin still wasn’t back.  
But he needed him, oh, he needed him so much; there were voices threatening to come back and he was _terrified;_ and was he human after all; what if he had long lost that battle?  
He caught himself stuck in the repetition of a simple action for thirty minutes before he regained control of his body and then suddenly a day had passed and he didn’t know _how._  
But the most terrible feeling of all was that which had been his love for Kevin before.  
Now, there was a pain as if something was missing in his chest, even though physically there wasn’t; he had checked. It had been as horrible as the first time; but everything that hadn’t already been missing back then was still there. So why did he feel so _empty?_ Why did he feel like something had been cut out of him and left a gaping hole that was now slowly bleeding out, drip by drip?  
But it wasn’t his blood that was dripping away, it was _him;_ his sanity, his very self.  
He lost count. When he came to, he found himself shaking, sobbing and crying out for Kevin, but Kevin didn’t come. There was so much pain but no novocaine.  
And then, the last voice returned.  
_[Designation A-17-R-3-L]_ it announced.  
“Avriel…” he murmured weakly. “It’s… Avriel.”  
_[Designation A-17-R-3-L]_ There was no mercy.  
“Please… no….”  
_[Designation A-17-R-3-L]_ it stated with finality.  
And with a pained scream, he fell and shut down.  
His body remained motionless in the corner.  
 _________________________________  
  
The sound of erratic footsteps was what woke him up again.  
Movement was painful, existence seemed worthless, but he knew the sound of these steps. Something was wrong.  
Moving his head made his mind spin and it took a very long time to recognize the dark skin and the ragged clothing which were lying before him in a chaotic heap.  
“Kevin?” His voice was hoarse from all the crying and the long silence, but he had been heard. The bundle on the floor started shaking.  
“No.. that’s not right…Kevin?” Confusion flooded his mind and made him almost lose his battle against the voices, which had become so strong again.  
Carefully he bent forward and extended one hand. The figure on the floor leaned into his touch and all of a sudden, his mind made a leap and things seemed terrifyingly familiar.  
“No!”, he gasped and turned the man on his back, dreading what he would see.  
Under stains of blood and dirt, there was a metallic glint gracing the once so strong face in familiar patterns.  
“NO!” He screamed out loud.  
This couldn’t be happening, please, everything but this!  
This was Kevin, his sole source of strength and the human he loved more than anything in the world. And he had been subjected to the same horrors Avriel didn’t dare to remember.  
Now, they came flooding back to him as he bent over the dark man, who was now broken, and cried.  
 _______________________________  
  
When Kevin came to, Avriel stopped crying. He recognized the red tint to the eyes and the unblinking gaze from the few times he had ever looked into a mirror. But what he saw now made his heart beat fearfully. One of Kevin’s eyes was almost entirely crimson and his glance was jumping around incoherently and entirely too fast. The red and silver metal lines that covered his forehead and the right half of his face were covered in fresh blood.  
Then, Kevin’s feverish gaze came to rest on Avriel’s face. He smiled and Avriel felt his heart shatter.  
“Avi…”, the dark man murmured. “Now… we’re brothers.”  
And Avriel faltered under the truth of his words, but even more because of the loving nickname Kevin had never before used.  
_Is this love? Does love feel like somebody has put a burning knife right through my heart?_  
The tears ran over his face unchecked as he cupped the good side of Kevin’s face in his hand, as he had done so many times before.  
“Kevin, everything will be alright. I promise, I will make it okay. Just hang on. We can do this. Please, stay with me!”  
His frantic murmuring went unheard as Kevin’s eyes glazed over and he whispered “Designation KV-11-N-33”. A small trickle of blood came from the corner of his mouth.  
“No, Kevin, no! Stay with me! It’s okay…”, he sobbed as he held his lover’s hand tightly, “it’s okay, I will teach you how to love again, please, just stay….” He put his other hand on the dark man’s chest, desperate to feel his heartbeat. It was fluttering erratically.  
“Stay… please. I will teach you. We can do it. You can learn to love again…”  
But the heartbeat was gone.  
Avriel screamed.  
________________________  
  
“My, my, what do we have here? Seems like that KV-Unit has been of use to us after all.”  
The voice was awfully familiar and shook Avriel from his grief. Slowly, he looked up. He knew those faces.  
They called themselves human.  
They called him android.  
They designated him -  
“A-17-R-3-L, get up and follow us!”  
And he knew that he’d run into a significant _[Error.]_  
“Resetting parameters”, he whispered with a voice so broken he didn’t recognize it any more.  
“What does it mean - irregular behavior - danger to its surroundings…”  
There were hushed whispers, but he paid them no heed.  
His inner voice was reshaping the world according to the new parameters. He felt the walls between himself and the android crumble.  
“This is love.” He stated it with indifference.  
“Humans love. Love is pain. Love is like your heart being sliced by a burning knife.”  
He got up and gripped Kevin’s ‘kitchen knife’.  
His movements were jerky and efficient.  
“You are human.”  
The look in his eyes spoke of fury, pain and detachment.  
“I will teach you how to love.”  
His words were as precise as his stabs.  
And as he left the cistern for the first time in what he remembered as his life, his hands red with blood and gripping onto blood-stained knifes, he emptily repeated the words.  
“I will teach you how to love again”, he told the world.  
And deep inside A-17-R-3-L, Avriel, _Avi_ broke and fell into the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. The Love Again video has given me so many terrible plotbunnies and Avi always has to suffer. i just want him to be happy, I promise ;_;  
> But yeah, it was dark outside, I was unhappy about the world, this happened.  
> Roll with it.  
> I hope you... enjoyed?  
> Thanks for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [That thing inside your chest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828140) by [Gorrlaus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gorrlaus/pseuds/Gorrlaus)




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